


Pancake Batter

by EveningRose309



Series: The Fox And The Crow [2]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Food Poisoning, I am so sorry, It's the Serial Killer/Mob Boss Au guys, Multi, Murder, Murder Husbands, Organized Crime, read the notes, this is set in THAT universe, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21804622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveningRose309/pseuds/EveningRose309
Summary: There are many ways the Bird House likes to do away their targets. One of the more recent additions?Pancakes.
Relationships: Gellert Grindelwald/Newt Scamander, Implied Queenie Goldstein/Vinda Rosier, Queenie Goldstein/Jacob Kowalski
Series: The Fox And The Crow [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571233
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Pancake Batter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Willofhounds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willofhounds/gifts).



> This is my formal apology for those awaiting a second chapter of A Fox In The Bird House. I know, I said I wouldn't abandon it, and I am sorry. I am incapable of writing multichapter things, as seen also with my Sacrifice!verse. I just...can't keep up with it. School and things, and I just don't have the patience. Sorry for the shitty excuse. It is unfortunately what it is.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one tho. Maybe I'll make more in this au, we'll see.

Pancakes were not a feasible murder weapon. That was what Vinda had told him at least, when he first pitched the idea. 

"It's simply not plausible Newt," she'd stated smugly. "We've tried with other things, they just won't touch them. Any food, we've even tried lasagna."

And ice cream and cognac and pizza and steak. From Grimmson's place, and thus he too had scoffed at Newt's initial suggestion. 

"If they won't try Pasta A La Fleur, they certainly won't touch a flimsy little breakfast plate."

Many of the Bird House agreed with them, and called Newt a fool for even thinking something so ridiculous. It seemed they'd forgotten, somehow, that the Red Fox was one of Interpol's most wanted, and that Newt had killed at least a dozen or so men using just that method. Poison and fishing wire. They'd forgotten he'd put their boss on his list and it was only because he'd fallen head over heels for the man that he'd spared him. 

Gellert hadn't forgotten though, and now ten kills in with 'The Pancake Pendulum', he had not one single drop of regret for giving Newt the go ahead to use The Bee Queen as their set up. 

Who could resist Queenie Goldstein-Kowalski, Angel of New Franklin, and a plate of her husband's steaming hot, honey drizzled with caramel pancakes? 

No one. No one could and thus none of their intendeds survived the plate or the honey tea that came with it. 

At the price of closing the shop for the day and Queenie having to wear some very uncomfortable, revealing clothing whilst having to flirt with the most grotesque looking men and women in the state, they'd managed to bag and cut up at least a quarter of the bastards on the House's kill list, in town or those who had escaped years before and came back thinking the House had forgotten. 

New Franklin forgets nothing, and neither do her crows disguised as canaries. 

\-------

"You-", Newt shivered as he felt arms circling his middle, "-are a genius."

"Really?" He giggled as Gellert kissed his nape. "I thought your second said I was ridiculous."

Gellert chuckled. "She's just jealous she hadn't thought of it first."

"I'm sure she did", and there went his batter, careening over the pan as Gellert nuzzled his neck. "Could you- ah! Could you move, please? I'm going to- b-burn these."

"Let them burn", and there went the hands, sneaking down his apron. "I'm sure our guests won't mind some crisps with their poison."

Newt shivered. _Our_. "Y-yes, but at this rate there won't be any poison in them left."

"Oh?" He moaned as those pearly, tobacco stained teeth dug into the junction between his neck and shoulder, licking as they went. "I thought the poison was in the honey."

"It is," Newt breathed. "But I'm trying out a new recipe. A friend of mine just- sent me a jar of some powder things and I'm- mmmm, trying them out."

Behind the kitchen doors, Newt could hear the clicking of ever impending heels across Jacob's wood floors. 

A knock. "Sir," Vinda whispered through the crack. "If you could stop molesting our chef and keep it in your pants, that would be nice. The Cormorants are getting antsy and I'd rather not have to listen to Queenie and Colin flirting with them any longer."

Gellert sighed. 

"It seems," he said, breath tickling Newt's ear. "That we'll have to pick this up later, mein Schlaufuchs."

Newt shuddered as Gellert bit his ear lobe, letting go, and leaving Newt breathless as he headed for the door. 

"See you in the car, Darling," he purred, closing the door behind him, a promise as sure as the bodies piled in the manor's basement. 

Speaking of bodies, Newt thought, focusing once more on the batter that was currently browning beneath him. A shame they'd all been laced. Newt had been tempted to let his lover taste them, since he'd added a bit of cinnamon and vanilla along with the poison, but thought better of it. He didn't want to be widowed after all, and so early into their marriage. 

Marriage. Newt smiled. What matter of havoc that brought, they'd wreak it together. 

Flipping the layer, Newt made sure there were no over-burnt edges and cut away the entrails of where the batter deviated from its circular shape. Presentation, after all, was key, and their guests were as finicky as any they'd served. Borish too, from the looks they gave Queenie. Vinda wasn't the only one who hated seeing their leers and jeers towards their angel. 

Newt shook his head. _Soon_. Soon he'll plate this last piece and pour the honey-heartstoper all over it. Soon Queenie will be out of that rag and they'd be loading the bodies into the hatchback in black bags and gloves. 

And _Soon_ , Newt relished, he'd be in the car, Gellert's hands all over him, eating him up like the honey their patrons would soon be choking on. 

Licking his lips, Newt slid the cake onto the stack and went to find his dressing. 

  
  
  



End file.
